


Redemption's Sacrifice

by spelledink



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Drama, F/F, Love Confessions, Redemption, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-07 14:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18412847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spelledink/pseuds/spelledink
Summary: Buffy Summers is terminally ill. She gets a late night visitor. Faith Lehane and  Buffy confront their past, and feelings left unsaid. The pain of what's to come forces them to open up to one another.This story takes place several years after Buffy and Faith leave Sunnydale.





	Redemption's Sacrifice

**Redemption’s Sacrifice**

**A Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfiction**  

 **The story is a nonprofit work of fanfiction.**  

**Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, The WB and UPN networks.**

 

The brunette looked up at the tall, angular building. Its form bathed in floodlights. Shining in the dark, off walls of concrete and glass. The lights of an ambulance flickered near the back entrance. Red and white lights reflecting off the wet street below. The woman turned up the collar of her leather jacket. Hunching her shoulders against the cold. She fished into her pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She stared at the object, her lips curling in sudden rage. The woman hurled the box into the darkness, brown eyes glittering with tears. 

The woman closed her eyes, dark hair falling in gentle waves about her face. She could feel it, a thing so fragile, in the building before her. The life, fading away, seven stories above. Of someone so familiar. So bright, within her memories. So broken, now. So alone. 

The brunette shook her head, her voice a low rasp. “Not for long,” she said. 

She walked into the building. Long legs full of purpose. She turned left down the first hallway, opening the stairwell door. Footsteps echoing as she climbed, towards the woman waiting above. The one she’d crossed an ocean and a continent to see. 

One she could never forget. Never abandon. 

 _Not again_  

* * *

The room was small, private. Its walls stark, sterile. A white curtain drawn around a single bed. A figure lay upon it. Illuminated by the small lamp nearby. A woman. Blond hair lank about her face. Green eyes hollow, weary. Her body, once strong, now ravaged. Her breathing faint, shallow. Buffy Anne Summers closed her eyes. “Soon,” she breathed. “It’s almost time.” 

 _Time to end, finally._  

 _I’ve cheated death twice, after all._  

 _But Dawn…_  

A single tear fell down her cheek, like a star falling into darkness. “I’m so sorry, Dawnie,” she whispered. “I hope Willow will get you here in time, before it’s over. At least to say goodbye.” 

Buffy’s eyes welled up, hazing her sight. Her breath catching in her throat.

This place, this bed, would be her end. Not the Hellmouth. There would be no final battle. No last triumph. No blaze of glory.

Not at all the death she’d expected.

The blonde sighed. A bitter smirk playing upon her lips. Her thoughts upon her executioner.

It was something so simple, so… ordinary. Yet even the Slayer could not defeat it. 

 _Cancer._  

It had spread so quickly. From the first small lump she’d found in her breast. Then lungs, liver, bone. Slayer healing couldn’t keep up with it. Magic and chemotherapy failed alike. Strange. That something so small could lay her low. 

 _So very, very small_. 

Maybe the Powers were making a point. That she wasn’t invincible. Wasn’t untouchable. Despite what she was. Her power, her strength, her calling. The end would come now. Inevitable. And soon.

 _Death is your gift._  

Death, waiting by her shoulder. Ready to take her by the hand. 

 _A lesson in humility?_  

Perhaps.

“After all I’ve done, couldn’t I at least get a retirement?” Buffy said, a wan smile on her face. She shook her head. Slayers didn’t get a happily ever after. “Was it too much to ask for?” she wondered. “A little time, a little peace? Someone… someone to love? That’s all I wanted!” 

Buffy sobbed, blinking the tears from her eyes. She stared up to the ceiling, imagining some heaven, far away. The one Willow had torn her from. “Couldn’t you at least give me that, damn you!” she cried.

The Slayer rolled to her side. Crushing a pillow to her chest. Holding it tight. She whispered to the darkness, her voice breaking. “I… I don’t want to die,” she said. “Not here. Not like this. Not alone.”

A soft voice answered from the gloom. A woman. “You’re not alone, B,” the voice said. “I’m here.” Buffy raised her head. The speaker approached. Long auburn hair. Warm mocha eyes. Full lips curved in a gentle smile. Beautiful. Clad in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. A matching pair of cowboy boots on her feet. A burgundy leather jacket shrugged over her shoulders. 

 _Faith._  

She drew near the bed, her arms circling around her sister Slayer. Pulling her close. “I’m here,” she soothed. One hand rose to her face, fingers combing through Buffy’s hair. “It’s okay now,” she said. “You’ll see.” Buffy leaned into the other woman’s touch, desperate for her warmth. Letting it seep into her aching bones. “How?” she asked. “I don’t understand.” Faith pressed her lips against the blonde’s forehead. “You don’t need to,” she said. “Trust me.” 

Buffy looked up at the brunette, bewildered. “Why are you here, Faith?” she said. “I haven’t seen you for months. I… I thought you were gone.” Faith met the blonde’s eyes, her expression sad. “Not gone,” she said. “I had something important to do. Something that couldn’t wait.” 

Buffy searched the other woman’s eyes, bewildered. “What was it?” she asked. Faith shook her head. A wry grin ghosting across her lips. “Don’t worry about it,” she answered. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m here.”

Buffy sat up, pain etching her features. “What are you here for, to… to say goodbye?” she asked, her voice trembling. Faith shook her head. “I wanted to be with you, that’s all. Even though it’s late. And say I’m sorry,” she said. “Sorry?” asked Buffy. Faith nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “For the things I’ve said. The things I’ve done. All the times I’ve hurt you.”

Buffy grasped Faith’s hand, shaking her head. “You don’t need to do that,” she said. “You’ve made up for it. You’ve changed, Faith. All that… it doesn’t matter anymore.” Faith looked at Buffy, her face anguished. Her eyes dark with old pain. “Yes, it does,” she said. “I hurt people. I killed people. I… I betrayed you, in so many ways.” 

Buffy leaned forward, her head resting against the brunette’s shoulder. “I forgive you,” she whispered. “I forgive you, Faith. As long as you’ll forgive me.” Faith shook her head, perplexed. “For what?” she asked. 

Buffy sniffled, her voice a quiet murmur. “For shutting you out, for pushing you away,” she said. “For never being there when you needed me.” Her eyes shifted up, jade and amber locking. “For… for trying to kill you.”

Faith’s eyes dropped. “There’s nothing to forgive,” she said. “I deserved it. Everything that happened to me. The coma. Prison. Everything.” Buffy shook her head. “No, you didn’t,” she said. “You were  _seventeen years old_ , Faith. You had nothing. No friends. No home. No one to turn to.”   The blonde scowled, disgust in her voice. “I should’ve helped. But I didn’t.” 

Faith looked away, vulnerable. “You were right to walk away, B,” she said. “Look at what I did. I wasn’t worth saving.” 

Buffy pulled the brunette close. “That’s not true,” she said. “You were. I should’ve been there, by your side, fighting for you. But I wasn’t. I… I failed you.” 

Faith’s eyes widened. “When did you do that?” she asked. Buffy let out a quiet breath. “That night,” she said. ‘When we killed a man.” Faith stared at the blonde. She scoffed. “You didn’t kill Allan Finch,” Faith said. “I did.” Buffy locked eyes with the brunette. “We did it together,” she replied. “I threw him to you, so you could stake him. Another vamp. Another dusting. We didn’t stop laughing until we saw the blood.” 

Faith looked away. “I was the one who stabbed him, B,” she said. Buffy reached out, touching Faith’s cheek. Turning her head. “I helped make that happen,” she said. “The blood was on my hands too, but I wouldn’t admit it. I let you take all the blame. Because I was afraid. Afraid of what that made me. So, I blamed you. The outsider.” 

Faith grimaced. “That doesn’t explain Professor Worth,” she grated. “I straight-up murdered him, all on my own.” Buffy nodded. “Because you felt wanted, needed by Mayor Wilkins,” she said. “You’d have done anything he asked for. Because he accepted you. Because he cared about you, in some twisted way.” 

Faith eyes darkened. Her voice a raw ache. “You’re right,” she admitted. “He made me feel… wanted. Needed.” The brunette flushed. Her face bright with shame. “I… I would’ve fucked him, given him  _that_ , too, if he’d asked. But he never did. How messed up is that?” 

The blonde’s hands slipped under Faith’s coat. “You were alone,” she said. “He gave you a home, a place to belong. Even love. Something you never had with your parents. What did I give you, that could compare? Buffy shrugged. Her voice rueful. “As bad as he was, he didn’t forsake you. Not like I did.” 

Faith leaned into the blonde’s touch. Tears falling from her eyes. “The mayor… he would’ve opened the Hellmouth, destroyed Sunnydale. God knows what else.” she rasped. “So many people would’ve died, and I… I  _helped_  him.” 

Buffy soothed the brunette. “You were so lost,” she said. “So full of pain. Lashing out, because you felt so alone…” 

The brunette backed away. Her voice rough. Condemning. “I was a Slayer,” she said. “Meant to help people. Save people. Protect them from monsters.” An aching cry left her throat. “Instead, I became one.” 

Fragile arms wrapped around the brunette. “Because I didn’t help you,” Buffy said. “Because I was too selfish to see you needed me.” 

Faith snorted. Her voice scathing. “How could you help me, when you didn’t know me?” she asked. “I never let you in. Any of you. All you saw was the mask. The ‘five-by-five’ bullshit. The clothes, the smoking, the sex. Anything to throw you off, to keep you from seeing the real me. The weak, frightened little girl I was inside. The one forever running away. From Kakistos, from you, from myself.” 

Buffy shook her head. “Why?” she asked. “Why Faith?” The brunette sighed. “I was afraid,” she said. “So afraid. Afraid you wouldn’t like me. That you’d think I was worthless, like  everyone else. So, I pretended it didn’t matter. That I didn’t need anybody.” Faith shuddered in the blonde’s arms. “But it was a lie. A stupid, stupid lie,” she said.

Gentle hands played on the brunette’s back, drawing her close. “I was afraid, too,” the blonde said. Faith’s breath caught. “Afraid of what?” she asked. 

Buffy looked down, a pink flush upon her cheeks. “Of you,” she said, her voice soft. “Of how you made me feel. That’s why I pushed you away. Tried to deny I’d changed. Why I ran back to Angel, trying to hide it.” 

Faith reached out, tipping Buffy’s chin up. Meeting her eyes. “What do you mean?” she asked. 

Buffy met Faith’s eyes, her expression tender. “It was so new,” she said. “Knowing that you understood…  _everything_. It felt so good, like nothing I’d ever felt before.” She sighed, leaning towards the blonde. “Like I was falling, falling towards you, so quickly,” she said. “Out of control. Each time we were together. Feeling so… connected, so alive, so  _right_. And I…  _I liked it_. And I wanted more, so much more.” 

The Slayer’s hands flew up, tangling in Faith’s hair. Tears sparkling in jade eyes. “That’s what I felt. What I hid inside,” she said, her voice a faint whisper. “Wanting to touch you, to feel you. To show you, without words, what I yearned to say.” 

Gentle fingertips traced the blonde’s cheek, a fragile hope within brown eyes. “How?” Faith asked. Buffy stared at Faith, her voice a heated whisper. “With these fingers, so eager for your skin." she said. "With these lips, that ached for yours. With this heart, that longed for you to claim it.” 

Faith stared at the blonde. Eyelashes wet with tears, ready to fall. “You mean that?” she asked. 

Buffy nodded, her hands falling. She leaned against the dark haired Slayer. Her body trembling. Feeling so light, so frail, within the other woman’s arms. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For wasting so much time. For letting it slip away. If only I’d understood, things could’ve been so different. So much better. Now… now it’s too late.” She gestured at the hospital bed. “Soon I’ll be gone. But I needed to tell you, to let you know.” 

Faith stiffened. “You can’t leave,” she said. “Not like this. Not now. Too many people need you, depend on you.” 

A gentle smile flickered across Buffy’s face. She looked up at the brunette. Her eyes, twin lamps, burning brighter at the end. “You’ll be here,” she said. “You’ll take care of them. Of everyone. You don’t need me.”

The brunette shook her head. Auburn hair askew, her words desperate. “I’ll always need you!” she cried. “Don’t you know that?” 

Buffy smiled. “Thank you,” she said, her voice a fond whisper. “I wish I could stay. I do. But I’m tired. So very tired.” She shook her head. “I can feel it, inside. The end. Time slipping away. Rushing by. When all I wish for, all I want, is one more minute, here with you.” 

Faith gazed at Buffy. Dark eyes tender. She reached into her jacket pocket, fingers playing with something inside.  “I’m sorry,” she said. “Sorry I left. Sorry I couldn’t be here with you. But I remembered something. Something from before. Something I’d forgotten. And I knew what I had to do. Even if you hate me for it.” 

The brunette took Buffy’s hand. She leaned close, her lips a ghost against the blonde’s cheek. “I love you,” she said, her fingers closing.

Buffy felt something cold, metallic on her skin. Pressing against her palm. A crackling wave of energy surged through her. Her vision hazing white. She staggered backwards, rocking on her heels. Her head spinning as she stood above the bed. 

 _Above it._  

 _Above…_  

She looked down. At the gaunt blonde beneath her. 

 _At Buffy._  

“Me…” she whispered. 

Buffy gaped, seeing her reflection in the room’s window. 

Tall, auburn hair. Brown eyes wide with shock. 

 _Faith’s reflection._  

The blonde on the bed smirked. One hand shot out, seizing the brunette’s wrist. Stripping something from her fingers. Three rings attached to a metal trapezoid.  

Buffy’s thoughts wheeled. 

 _Body swap_.

The blonde hurled the device against the wall, in a last burst of Slayer strength. It shattered into fragments. Silver and crystal falling to the floor. 

“No!” Buffy cried. “Faith, what have you done?” The other Slayer smiled. An expression of contentment, of peace on her face. “The right thing,” she said. “Finally.” 

“Why?” asked Buffy, her voice raw. 

Faith paused, a shadow flitting across her stolen features. “I was never much good,” she said. “In Boston, or Sunnydale. Always a screw-up, like ma and Pat said.” Her voice softened, an aching whisper. “I couldn’t save Diana. Couldn’t save myself. Couldn’t even tell you how I feel.” She shrugged. “But at least here, now, I can do this. I can save you. That’s why you need to be here. Why you need to be  _me_. The Faith Lehane I never could be. The one I dreamed of being.” 

Buffy protested. “Faith, you’re more than you think you are,” she said. “You always have been. You’re not a monster, or a mistake. Don’t you see?” 

The blonde stared up at Buffy. Verdant eyes soft. “I wish… I wish we could start over,” she said, “Some other time, some other place. Some other  _me_. Someone you could want, and love, and be proud of.” 

Buffy leaned close, cupping the blonde’s cheek. “I do, I am,” she said. “I love you Faith, I love you. So please, please don’t do this.” Faith shook her head, a gentle smile on her face. “It’s already done,” she said. 

Buffy sagged, her eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t want to be Chosen, if it means I’m alone,” she said. “If it means that I’m without you.” Faith leaned into the brunette’s touch. “I’ll always be with you. Always,” she said. “In here.” One hand reached up, trembling against the other woman’s breast. 

Buffy gazed at the blonde below her. Her cheeks wet. “Please, stay,” she said. “Please.” The blonde sighed. “I can’t,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Jade eyes turned upward, wide with longing. “Can you do something for me? Before I go?” 

Buffy nodded. Her voice thick with pain. “Anything. Anything, Faith,” she said. The other Slayer blushed. Her words soft, deep with yearning. “Kiss me,” she said. “Kiss me, please. Let me know what we could’ve had. Let me feel it, at least once.” 

Buffy nodded. She swallowed, holding Faith close. One arm circling her waist. The other reached up, combing through her hair. Their eyes locked. Buffy paused, lost in warm viridian. Faith’s breath warm upon her skin. She leaned in. Closing the distance. Their lips touched. The blonde moaned, clutching the brunette to her. Deepening the kiss.  Full of longing. Full of devotion. An aching need in each caress. 

The blonde trembled in Buffy’s arms. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done,” she said. “For how I’ve hurt you. For leaving. But no matter what happens, no matter where I go, I’ll never regret this. Making this choice. Taking your place.” 

Faith sighed. Her lips warm against Buffy’s throat. “Loving you was the one thing I got right,” she husked. “The one thing that wasn’t a mistake. The light in all my darkness. And I’ll never regret that. Never. Even though I wish we had more time.” 

The brunette brushed her lips against the blonde’s temple. “Yes,” she whispered. “Oh, god, yes.” Faith tightened her arms around the older Slayer. “It’s coming now, getting colder,” she breathed. Her heartbeat a ragged tattoo against the brunette’s. “Hold me. Don’t let go. Not until, until...” The blonde’s voice trailed off. 

Buffy rocked Faith in her arms. “I’m here,” she soothed. “I won’t go. I won’t leave.” She stroked the blonde’s hair. Lifting her face, with gentle fingers. Dark eyes wet with tears. “And when my time comes, when it’s my turn, I’ll come for you. I’ll find you. No matter where you are. I promise. Because eternity’s meaningless, if I can’t have you with me.” 

Faith burrowed into Buffy’s embrace. Trembling in the brunette’s arms. Her breath shallow, labored. “I’m yours,” she whispered. “Only yours, B. Now and forever.” The brunette wept, her lips grazing the blonde’s jaw. “I love you,” she said. “I love you, Faith Lehane.” 

A shudder tore through the blonde. “Tired,” she murmured. “So tired. I just want to lay here. Here in your arms. That’s all I…”

Faith’s breathing stuttered, then halted. A quiet sigh escaped her lips, then silence. Her head lolled to one side. Lips, still warm, pressed to the brunette’s shoulder. 

Buffy cradled the smaller woman. Scanning the face that had been her own. The green eyes now vacant, sightless. She lay the blonde upon the bed. Brushing her eyelids shut, with gentle fingers. Draping the white sheet over her. “Sleep,” Buffy said, her voice a gentle murmur. “Sleep, love, and wait for me. Wait for me, please.” She leaned close, pressing a kiss to the blonde’s forehead. “I promise… I promise, I won’t be long.” A ragged sob fell from her lips. Her eyes an amber desolation. Her heart laid open. Breaking into jagged shards, irreparable. 

She paused, staring down upon the bed. At the empty shell, once her own. The form, so silent, like one asleep. Still, so very still. No breath of air to stir her breast. Life’s bloom fading, slow, from cheek and lip.

A haggard princess, needing only a kiss to wake. 

A sacrifice upon a snowy bier, given freely. 

In need. 

In love. 

In redemption.

 

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a sequel to this story (at some point).


End file.
